What do You Want?

There was a question asked yesterday that really made me think. 

What do you want? 

As I responded to this question, I said that I wanted to help people and to show them that the world isn't against them but there's more that I want. I want people to not have so many hurts in their lives. I know that no matter what there will be troubles throughout life but I want people to realize that they don't have to go through it alone. I want everyone to know that I am here for you and you can always talk to me about whatever it is.

You aren't alone with your struggles. Know that someone is there for you and if you feel as if you don't have that someone, let me be that someone. Allow me to tell you that you aren't alone and that you are amazing the way you are. You aren't what people around you say that you are. 

You are you and that person is incredible and beautiful.

What do you want?

What to do in Lincoln, California

I recently moved to Lincoln a few years ago and it is one of my favorite places now. It may seem as if there really is nothing to do but for the two and a half years that I've lived here, I have found out many things that you can do.

Things to do in Lincoln, California

Check out the Bayabelle Boutique.

Eat at Kim's Country Kitchen.

Go to Mcbean Memorial Park.

Try Old Town Pizza.

If you enjoy reading, The Book Cellar is the right place for you.

The Whistle Stop Cafe is cozy.

Buy something from Callie's Cottage.

Change

If I'm being honest, it's kind of sad as to how much can change in one year. Your best friends can turn into your worst enemies. The person who has your heart crushes it and becomes your heartbreaker. People you know change and become people that you knew while people you love turn into people you loved. I think it's a little sad because you don't expect how fast things change.

I know that I find it hard by how fast things can change. My eighth grade year is the year that truly changed my life. I lost all of my friends that I loved dearly and then all of a sudden, I was homeschooled with no friends. I was filled with loneliness. When I left Cooley during eighth grade, no one that I knew ever asked me why or what was wrong. They didn't text me or message me asking if I was okay. It broke me when I realized that I didn't have anyone to talk to.

Another change soon began after this. I came back to public school, Roseville high school to be exact on the first day of the second trimester my freshman year. Some of the people I knew a little during Cooley came up to me during this time and asked if I was okay. This was something that I really appreciated. I'm a sophomore now and I've had the chance to meet so many amazing people that I know are being true to myself. As much as the struggles hurt me, there was a lot of positive things that also happened during this time. I was able to see Demi Lovato whom has inspired me so much in concert. I got to learn about my love of trying out new hair colors whether it be red, pink, or purple. I realized that I'm a good writer and it's something that I want to continue doing forever. I shared with everyone my love for acting and with drama, the class not the gossip, I was able to meet my best friends. The struggles that I had to go through suck so much but I don't regret them and I'm grateful for the experiences with it. Change is awful at first but in the end, it's a good thing and I hope everyone can realize that it isn't something to be afraid of.

What Panic Attacks Feel Like

This is for the people who don't understand or have panic attacks. If you do have panic attacks, feel free to read this as well as we all can experience them differently.

I am trying to find a way to describe the way a panic attack is but if I am being honest, it's quite difficult to describe.

Panic attacks can come out of the blue whether you are in the middle of taking a shower, doing your homework, or dreaming. They will randomly pop up and make your life miserable. They are surges of emotions coming together and clashing into your brain. You feel as if you can't breathe. You can't think straight and all you can feel yourself doing is curling into a small ball on the ground while shaking and gasping for breaths of air. You can't help but overthink and worry about every little thing.

It's the worst when you have an anxiety attack around other people. They don't always understand what's happening and they ask you what's wrong and how can they help or my least favorite, "calm down."

When I hear someone tell me to calm down as I am in a panic mode, my panic rises because I can't control it and hearing those words stresses me as I try to lower it but it doesn't want to be lowered. You feel as if the people that said that are trying to control you and then they get inside your head.

Calm down.

Calm down.

Calm down.

Telling me to calm down as I go through this panic attack isn't helping me but only making it worse. It's like the person telling me to calm down doesn't realize that if I could be calm, I would. Another thing you should never say to someone during a panic attack is "relax." because it's the exact same thing as saying "Calm down." Don't tell me that I am overreacting or that I have nothing to be panicked about because you don't know what's going on inside my brain and thoughts.

If you don't understand panic attacks, know this;

1. They can come anytime and anywhere.
2. There is no way for you to calm us down or control us in this state.
3. Anxiety and panic attacks are larger than stress.
4. It's exhausting and overwhelming.
5. People with anxiety can not just get over it!!
6. Over 6 million people have panic attacks.
7. We can't just snap our fingers and be okay.

Now, I am going to end this post right now because I know that if I continue, I will receive yet another panic attack and I've had enough for today. I will try to come back to this topic someday and explain more of the difficulties of anxiety and panic attacks but for now, I think this will work.

The Boy and His Quarter

In 2011, I was always using the notes that facebook had which is now quite hard to find. As I was reading through the old notes, I found this one special note that was posted by my sister which I figured would be wonderful for everyone to read.

Once upon a time, there was this little boy around the age of 6. He went to school on the bus one day and hit his forehead and got 6 inch cuts. After he went to the hospital for stitches, he went back to school and went out to recess. During recess, he and his friends were playing dodgeball and suddenly he got hit by the ball and it knocked out his two front teeth. After the nurse stopped the bleeding, he went back out to recess and broke his wrist playing tetherball. In the hospital, the boy was clutching onto something. When his dad asked what it was, the boy said in a cheerful voice, "Oh dad, guess what?! I found this brand new quarter at school today! This is the first quarter that I have ever had! This must be my lucky day!" 

Who is Your Cheerleader?

Who is your cheerleader?

One of the definitions of cheerleader is a person who is an enthusiastic and vocal supporter. It's a person who believes in you so much that they support you and your ideas. When you have your bad days, your cheerleader brings you up and they are always lending you a shoulder to cry on. It's the person who tells you that you can do anything and encourages you.

Who is the person that is always there for you no matter what?

A cheerleader is the one who motivates you to be the greatest that you can be. We all have one and some more than one. I know that my mom is one of my cheerleaders. She has always supported me with my dreams and I appreciate that more than she knows(speaking of my mom, she made a blog which you should totally check out http://paintingbeautywiththeashes.blogspot.com/).

Find your cheerleader and let them know how much you appreciate the support they give you. Give them back some love and be their cheerleader. Support everyone and believe in everyone. Be a cheerleader. 

Mexico Cruise Travel Diary & Gallery

more photos on my facebook which is private and for family and friends only.

What To Do on a Carnival Inspiration Cruise

What To Do on a Cruise

In 3 days, I will be going on a roadtrip to LA with my mom, dad, brother, and sister as we head onto our first cruise for spring break. It's rare when all of us have the same week off so my parents decided to be spontaneous and take us on a cruise within the one day they thought of it.

We board the cruise in LA on Monday, the 21st of March. My family and I will wake up sometime around 5 in the morning and begin our 6-8 hour drive. Once we get onto the boat, we will leave LA at 5:30 pm. Day 2 will be a Fun Day At Sea and since this is my first time going on a cruise, I'm not exactly sure what that is but it's the one day we will be on the ship all day. On day 3, we will arrive at Catalina Island which is in my home state of California at 7:30 in the morning. We will leave the island at 4:30 pm and it's supposed to be breathtaking there. Day 4 will consist of being in Ensenada, Mexico at 8:00 am and leaving there at 6:00 pm. On our last day of the cruise which will be day 5, we will head back to LA and be there at 7:00 am and then drive back home.

Seeing as this is mine and my family's first time going on a cruise, I decided that I would look everything up and make a list of what to do on a cruise, what to bring, and etc. The hardest thing about this 5 day cruise is that we will have no wifi or internet. Our phones will have to be on airplane mode and that's difficult for me as I will want to post many pictures on social media and it's a way to contact anyone in my family when we aren't together. However, the good thing about this is that I will not catch any spoilers on my tv shows as I won't be able to watch any of the new episodes that week. Most of the stuff will be free while some things are quite expensive. Anyways, let's begin with the list of things to do!

Food and Drinks

  anything with a * is not included and costs more money

• 24 hour FREE room service
• You can get a beverage cart which means as many drinks as you want for $49.95 per person per day(we only did two of these seeing as it is quite expensive)
• Guy's Burger Joint
• Steakhouse*
• Green Eggs and Ham Breakfast*
• Pizza Pirate
• Swirls(aka ice cream and froyo)
• Coffee Bar*
• The Chef's Table*
• Breakfast Grill
• Sweet Spot

Activities Onboard

  anything with a * is not included and costs more money

• Waterworks
• Hasbro, The Game Show
• DJ Irie
• The Punchliner Comedy Club
• Seuss at Sea
• Playlist Productions
• Bingo*
• Internet Cafe*
• Library
• Art Exhibitions
• Stage Shows
• Live Music
• Karaoke
• Pools
• Mini Golf
• Medi-Spa*
• Bear Cuddly Workshop*
• Teens' Digital Play
• Kids' Digital Play
• Hair & Beauty Salon*
• Jogging Track
• Facial Treatments*
• Games
• Video Arcade*
• Twister Waterslide
• Trivia
• The Fun Shops*
• Towel Animal Theater
• Superstar Live
• Fitness Classes*
• Fitness Gym
• Roulette*
• Poker*
• Massage*
• Dance Classes
• Art Auctions
• Art Games

Now, there is a lot more activities aboard but I didn't want to include them all and make this way too long. Be sure to read my blog in the next few weeks as I share many photos and tell you about my experience! I'll be back with a new post after next Friday.

Starfish

The Starfish Story

Today was the last day of mid terms and I have Peer Helping for fourth period. It is a great class that helps you learn to love yourself and lets you help others who are dealing with not so good things. In class, we had our commissioning which was almost like a graduation party because we all passed our mid terms for that class. While we were celebrating, my teacher passed out starfish charm's(I'll edit this later with a photo of it once I put it on something) and began to share the wonderful story about the starfish that she had heard from somebody else. I was amazed at the story and since hearing it, I have loved it so I decided to share it with you guys.

"Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean for peace and quiet, and for inspiration to do his writing. In the morning, he usually walked on the beach before he began his work. One day as he was walking along the shore, he saw a human figure moving like a dancer, bending, then wading into the waves, arms extended.

It pleased him that someone would dance to the beauty of the day and the rhythm of the waves. As he got closer, he saw that it was a young girl. The girl wasn't dancing, but instead she was reaching down to the sand, picking up something, and throwing it gently into the ocean.

He called out, "Good morning! What are you doing?"

The girl paused and replied, "Throwing starfish in the ocean."

"I guess I should have asked, why are you throwing starfish in the ocean?"

"The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll be stranded on the beach and die."

"But don't you realize that there are thousands of miles of beach and starfish all along the way. You can't possibly make a difference!" 

The girl listened and considered. Then she bent down, picked up another starfish and threw it into the sea. She watched a wave life it high, and then it sank into the life-giving water. 

"It made a difference for that one," she said."

Now, I don't know about you but I believe that this is an amazing short story. One of my lifelong goals is to save and help others. I know that I won't be able to fix everyone but just being able to save one life is better than none and it is a difference.

You can't do everything that you want even if you try your hardest. However, you can do something that you want and that can make a difference. If you are having trouble making a difference, make one. Be that change that you wish to see in the world and make a difference.

A Fictional Character You'd Like to Switch Places With

This is quite hard for me to choose just one so I decided that I am going to choose a few fictional characters that I would love to switch places with. One of my favorite things to do is read and watch tv so this topic is very fun for me to write about.

  1.  Phoebe from Friends because she is very bohemian and hippy. Phoebe has a beautiful singing voice and I love the way she does most of the stuff that she does. Her sarcasm is great and can have a lot of sass which I adore. I would love to switch places with her and go to Central Perk and sing 'Smelly Cats' on the small stage and then sit down on the famous orange couch with Rachel, Monica, Ross, Chandler, and Joey.

  2.  Ariel from The Little Mermaid because who wouldn't want to be a mermaid and have a clueless bird, a sarcastic crab, and a loving fish as friends?

  3. Serena Van Der Woodsen from Gossip Girl... I mean have you seen her clothes?

  4.  Joy from Inside Out seeing as she is always trying her hardest to make everyone around her happy. Joy is always very positive and it's something I admire as I try to do the same but it is quite tough plus it would be cool to see how we create emotions.

  5.  Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing because her sass is great and 'on point' as people like to say nowadays. 

  6. Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice as she is very strong and knows what she wants. She stays with her beliefs and even though she is from a time that women weren't able to do things by themselves, she wasn't afraid to speak her mind and try things on her own.

  7.  Alex Russo from Wizards of Waverly Place because I would love to be a wizard and possibly make things great with the power I have.

Something You Forget to Pack

For March 2, 2016, I have to write about something that I always forget to pack and for me, I don't tend to forget it however, I always almost forget it. This item that seems to get inside my bag a few minutes before I leave is my medicine.

I take my medicine right before I fall asleep as most of it is to help me fall asleep seeing as I have insomnia. The other medicine that I take is for anxiety as I deal with panic attacks and have very high anxiety. Normally, I pack all of my stuff the day before I head somewhere and because my medicine is included in my nightly routine, I have to wait until morning to put it inside my bag. I am not a morning person so when I wake up, the only thing that I want to do is fall back asleep so it is quite difficult to remember the things I need to do before leaving.

This post is quite small and I apologize for that as I am trying my hardest to write a little more but this prompt was simple and quick but maybe tomorrow's will be longer. See you then!

Favorite Song Lyrics

I know that I am posting this a little late but I have decided to begin my first journal prompt and this is for March. March 1, 2016 is the day where I write about one of my favorite song lyrics. Being the music obsessed teenager that I am, I have a ton of favorite song lyrics so I decided that I would list some of them and share with you why I love them.

  1.  "I'm a warrior. I'm stronger than I've ever been, and my armor, is made of steel, you can't get in. I'm a warrior and you can never hurt me." Warrior by Demi Lovato. Most of the lyrics in Demi Lovato's song, Warrior, I love but this one is definitely my favorite. It reminds me that we are all warriors and strong. I know that with God my armor is made of steel. 

  2.  "You can take everything I have. You can break everything I am like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper." Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. I have always been a big fan of Demi and when she shared with everyone her life story and sang this song for the first time, I was in awe. It amazed me that even though she was broken she was able to rise back up like a skyscraper. 

  3.  "If I never get to see the Northern lights or if I never get to see the Eiffel Tower at night, oh, if all I got is your hand in my hand, baby I could die a happy man." Die A Happy Man by Thomas Rhett. This song tends to appear on the radio almost every single morning as I am on my way to school and it helps brighten my day. I have always wanted to see both the Northern lights and Eiffel Tower. It has been one of my dreams for a few years now and the way that Thomas mentions he would rather be my his love rather than in a beautiful location is absolutely adorable.

  4.  "You think I'm strong, you think I'm fearless even when I'm, I'm at my weakest. You always see the best in me when I can't. I wanna be the girl you think I am. I got my flaws and I've got regrets and I know there's more on the road ahead. When I wonder if I'll ever measure up,Oh, I thank God for a Father's love cause you think I'm brave, and you think I'm beautiful. You think that I can do the impossible. You always see the best in me when I can't. I wanna be the girl you think I am." The Girl You Think I Am by Carrie Underwood.  Recently, I have been loving Carrie Underwood's newest album, Storyteller. One of my favorite songs off of the album is The Girl You Think I Am. Everything about this song is flawless. I know that God believes in me and sees me as brave and beautiful. He believes that about everyone and this song is a beautiful way to share it.

LOSING YOUR THOUGHTS

  What Remembering Your Thoughts Feels Like

Today, I had a presentation at school for spanish. When I got up to present information about myself with my partner, my mind went blank. I couldn't remember how to ask 'Cuándo es tu cumpleaños' which is the question for when is your birthday in spanish. The only things I could remember was Cómo te llamas(what's your name?) and Cómo eres(what are you like?).

Having your brain go blank when everyone is staring at you and your partner is depending on you is embarrassing. Now, I'll feel guilty if my partner gets a bad grade on this presentation. I feel terrible. I know that I tried my hardest but my anxiety got the best of me during that time we spoke to the class.

Losing your thoughts when you are in the middle of something important sucks and once you finish what it is that you are doing, your thoughts are back and all you hear in your brain are words questioning what happened and what you should have done.

I know that I will prove to myself, my teacher, and my peers that I am capable of holding a full and long conversation IN SPANISH the next time that I have to walk to the front of the classroom.

P.S. It turns out that I got an 8/10 on the presentation which is a lot better than I assumed I would get. I guess sometimes the brain just thinks worse things.

Sincerely,

Kenzi Brooke

BELIEVING IN YOURSELF

Life can be quite difficult and challenging. You don't always believe in yourself. At times, life makes you feel like a failure. You feel as if you aren't good at whatever it is that you are doing in that one second. There are two quotes that I adore that happen to relate to this subject that I am writing about.

Believe in yourself and you're halfway there. This quote shows that you may not think that you can do something but if you tell yourself that you can do it and believe that, you will be so close to achieving that goal. It may take awhile to happen hence the 'halfway there' part but it will happen.

One of my favorite quotes of all time is She believed she could so she did. I tend to tell myself this everyday. "I, Kenzi Brooke, can do this." and then I try my hardest and don't stop until I achieve something whether it be a large step or baby step. It is still something and that is all that matters.

I am fully deaf in my right ear but my family didn't find out until I was three years old. As I got older, we discovered that I have Mondini Dysplasia and Large Vestibular Aqueduct Syndrome, also known as LVAS. Mondini Dysplasia is when part of your inner ear has an abnormal hearing loss. There is a lot more to it and I still haven't learned everything about this but I know that it affects me everyday. LVAS is the part of my inner ear that is near my brain and it is the part that detects sounds. Having these two things together is quite scary. I can't do many sports because if a ball hits me in a certain area on my head, I will become fully deaf in both ears. I can't do gymnastics or dance because of all the moving around which makes me extremely dizzy.It affects my balance and I can't ride a bike. The point that I am trying to make by telling you this is that I have tried over and over again to get on a bike and to ride it by myself with no help. It hasn't happened yet and I will not stop trying until I can ride a bike. The last time I tried riding a bike was near the end of summer and I actually vlogged it for my Youtube channel however I took the video down but I will have the video shown in here even though it's a weird three minute video.[Update; Blogger won't allow the video to be put into here for some reason].

A few days before I rode my bike last, I read the quote about believing she could so she did and I decided to try it out. As I climbed onto the bike that was in my garage, I told myself out loud that I could do it.

"I can do this."

"I can ride a bike."

"I, Kenzi Brooke, can do this."

The whole time I kept repeating those words, encouraging myself and I believed in myself. Before I stopped for the day, I was able to stay on the bike while riding it for a few seconds. It wasn't a long time that I was able to stay on it but that isn't the point. The point is that I did it even if it was for barely ten seconds. I accomplished something and I am proud of that.


If you are having a tough time in life and don't feel as if you believe in yourself, look in that mirror and look at your pretty self. Tell yourself that you can do it. Shout at the mirror saying that you can do it. The moment that you look in your mirror and truly see yourself, you are already halfway to where you want to be.

With love,

Kenzi Brooke

TRAVEL BUCKET LIST

I dream of being able to travel around the world one day. Here are some of the places I want to go. This will most likely be updated often as I find new places and/or explore them. To see every single thing on my bucket list, find me on Pinterest. [The ones that have a * on it means I have completed that dream].

My Travel Bucket List

1. Visit Anne Frank's house
2. Sleep in an overwater bungalow in Bora Bora
3. Visit a black sand beach*
4. Spend time volunteering in Africa
5. Visit Iceland
6. Go to Madagascar
7. Drive the Atlantic Ocean road
8. See the Eiffel Tower
9. See the northern lights.
10. Visit the full house home in San Francisco*
11. Visit the winter palace
12. Visit Australia zoo
13. Go on a roadtrip to Disneyland*
14. Live in France
15. Move to Seattle
16. Visit Tennessee
17. Eat a croissant at a bakery in Paris
18. Visit a nutelleria
19. Eat belgian waffles in Belgium
20. Shop in New York city
21. Go on a safari(cruelty free)
22. Go on a food adventure in Paris
23. Ride a subway in New York
24. Camp out in a tropical rainforest
25. Go on a road trip to Canada
26. Visit Palm Springs*
27. Ride a water taxi in Venice
28. Go to Hawaii*
29. Visit the hidden beach at Marieta Islands
30. Go to Thailand
31. Travel around Australia
32. Explore the Grand Canyon
33. Go to Venice, Italy
34. Visit Niagara Falls
35. Visit the original starbucks in Seattle
36. Go to Alaska
37. 'Hold up' the leaning tower of pisa
38. Visit Amsterdam
39. Go to Bora Bora
40. Visit the glowworm caves in New Zealand
41. Ice skate in central park
42. Go on the skydeck in Chicago
43. Visit a tropical rainforest
44. Go to times square
45. Go into an airport and buy tickets for a random flight
46. Go to Greece
47. Go to London
48. See the Fairy Pools in Scotland
49. Add a lock to the Love Lock Bridge in Paris
50. Go on a cruise
51. Throw a dart at a map and travel to wherever it lands
52. Ride the London Eye
53. Visit the 9/11 memorial
54. See the Hollywood sign*
55. Visit Crystal Caves, Iceland
56. Visit Lake Bennett, Canada
57. Go to Pink Geyser, Iceland
58. See the Aurora moonset in Alaska
59. Go to Lake Huron in Michigan
60. Visit East of Cottage Grove, Oregon
61. See the Heaven Gate Mountain in China
62. Go to University of Washington in Seattle
63. See the glowing firefly squid in Toyama, Japan
64. Visit Piedmont Park, Midtown Atlanta
65. See the Hanakapi'ai Falls cave in Na Pali Coast, Kauai, Hawaii
66. Go to Liquid Light, South Africa
67. Hike to the mountain waterfall in Trentino, Italy
68. See the morning mist in Tuscany, Italy
69. Visit the cave of Melody in Scotland
70. See the Peter Island in Falcon's Nest
71. Visit Glass beach, California
72. See the elephant rock sculpture in India
73. Go to Honfleur, Normandy, France
74. Visit Havana, Cuba
75. See the Crooked Forest in Poland
76. Visit the Un Joli Cafe Mistral in France
77. Go to Valbonne, France
78. Visit the set of Friends
79. Go to Rome, Italy
80. Go to Positano, Italy
81. Visit Capetown, South Africa
82. Go to Hollywood Studios*
83. Visit Disneyworld in Florida
84. See what life is like in Texas
85. Go to Disneyland Tokyo
86. Go on a HWY 1 road trip in Big Sur, California
87. Visit the Lava pool in Maderia, Portugal
88. Go on a mission trip to Mexico
89. See the crooked house of windsor in England
90. Travel around Notting Hill, London
91. Visit Howth, Dublin, Ireland
92. Ride and feed an elephant at a cruelty free place
93. See the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco*
94. Go to LA*
95. Drive on the Pacific Highway
96. Visit McWay Falls, Big Sur, California
97. Go inside the Muir Woods in San Francisco
98. Visit the sea of stars on Vaadhoo Island in the Maldives
99. Climb up the Haiku Stairs in Hawaii
100. Look at the pebbles at the Pebble Shore Lake in Glacier National Park, Montana
101. Go to Portofino, Italy
102. Go to Mexico

HOW TO BE POSITIVE

I don't know about you guys but I have always had a hard time staying positive with everything that has and will happen in my life. I try my hardest to be happy with the life that I live and know that I can do anything through Christ who gives me strength but that doesn't mean that it isn't tough. 

I believe that positivity is the key to the world.  I think that if everyone were to be a little more positive, Earth could be a better place. Like I said before, I know that it is hard to be positive which is why I have some tips that may be able to help keep smiles upon faces with no tears being shown.

WAYS TO BE POSITIVE

• Find happy things during a negative situation.

• Positive thoughts lead to positive actions.

• Live in the moment.

• Love yourself.

• Love others.

• Focus on what you want.

• Believe in yourself.

• Smile.

• Don't let the little things get to you.

• Don't confuse quitting with letting go.

• If you aren't having a good day, make a good day.

• Remember that you are in the present and not in the past or future.

• Face yours fears.

• Share yours feelings. Don't bottle them up.

• Write down positive things.

• Listen to upbeat, happy music.

• Do things you love not things you hate.

• Let go of grudges.

• Dream big.

• Don't compare yourself to others.

• Accept what you can't change.

• Be realistic as you won't become down in the dumps if something doesn't happen.

• Have positive people around you not negative people.

I hope this list of ways to be positive helps give you a new mindset. I am still learning all of these ways and it is definitely hard to always be positive but be as positive as you can each day. Remember that when things get tough, you have people around that love and care for you.